It is what it is

I hate that phrase.

People say it with such conviction, as if it explains everything there is to know about the topic.

That's Korea though. The bad comes with the good, and there's no changing it. What is so bad you ask? Not bad per se, but uncomfortably different at times.

Korea, like China, is a Confucianist society. It has little to do with religion and a lot to do with everything else. Again, I am no expert, so feel free to poke holes in my attempts to explain things.

From what I understand, Confucianism is all about respect. That sounds great in a tiny little sentence like that. It's when you start applying it to every aspect of life that you run into trouble. You show respect to your elders and those who are "above" you, be it at work or in society in general. At the same time, you do what you can to earn respect from others; do well on a test, get into a good college, get a good job, marry a good mate, have a "perfect" family, and make a lot of money.

Again, it looks good on paper, doesn't it. (or cyberspace)

The problem is this: once you get the respect, you can't lose it. You have to "save face". I don't just mean that you want to save face, YOU HAVE TO. You cannot question those in authority, because they will lose face. You cannot correct someone in public for the same reason. You cannot make a suggestion because that implies that they do not know what they are doing. Think about the average workplace and what this means. Many times, you do your job as best you can on your own and you hope others will do the same. You don't question them and they don't question you...to your face at least. There is no constructive criticism. There is no honor in wanting to learn from mistakes. Communication will break down, whether you speak the same language or not. Frustrating anyone??? There is a story...most likely an urban myth...but it is accurate in idea at least. Supposedly there was some construction, a big building being raised. Before it was finished, engineers found an error in the calculations that made the building unsafe. They did not take this information to their superiors, because that would be questioning their abilities. The building later fell and many people died.

What about personal lives? It goes back to the kids (and the pushy parents) studying all day and night for tests...to gain respect for themselves and their families. Schools push you to not make mistakes. Your test scores and university acceptance letters are better than gold!!! And did you get married right after college and have 1 boy and 1 girl in the next few years? Then congratulations!! You've earned some more respect!! Do you love your spouse? Forget I asked. It doesn't matter. You've earned repect!!!! Are you a 26-year-old female?? Whoa, you'd better tie the knot with that guy your mom has been trying to set you up with. Are you a guy? You'd better head down the aisle with that one. She's pretty and she has two brothers, so maybe she's more likely to give you a son to pass along your family name and gain even more respect. (It's sad but true that even today, doctors are not allowed to tell parents the sex of their unborn child.)

So, did you somehow lose respect along the way? Forget it. You may as well not even think about higher education. Aim low.

I'm losing battery power, so I'll wrap up this cynicism.

There is a (slowly) growing resistance to these ideologies. The divorce rate is rising. That doesn't sound like a good thing, but it means that more and more women are getting out of the bad relationships that they were pushed in to. Creativity is a high priority among the youth as well. For every future doctor or lawyer I have in my class, I have a director and an animator. (I even have a chocolatier!!)

We had a pop song contest in school today. It was loads of fun to listen to Korean kids belt out Kelly Clarkson, but at the end, one girl read a speech she had written for an upcoming English speaking competition she was entering. Her English was almost perfect, better then any of the English teachers, and I might've been the only one in the room who really understood what she was talking about.

It was the most eloquent, heartfelt, and honest speech that I may have ever heard. She talked about the problems Korean teens have today, many of the same that I've outlined above. She asked for a change. To not be considered a "study machine". For her parents to spend time with her. To be heard and supported. To be allowed to laugh and play. To be creative. To be happy.

It is what it is for now at least.

~tony