So, do you think I can take any other aspect of Korea and twist it into some sort of "life lesson" today? I don't know who I think I'm preaching to, but I promise to tone it down a notch....if I can.
So....I guess I'm popular now. There's that!
It kind of comes with the territory I think. I am a novelty. I am from the culture that many here try to emulate. I speak English, which they all want to learn. I am kind of tall by American standards, and very tall here. I am attempting to learn the language. Even the attempt is viewed with respect by most Koreans. I eat spicy food(yes, that makes me popular). I have blondish hair, and apparently it's thinning isn't an issue. (I'm convinced that they just can't see the top of my head) I am not intentionally rude; this is impressive I guess. I am single; also impressive somehow?!?
What do I mean by popular? Examples:
1. My fellow teachers love me, and by that I mean that one of the English speaking teachers told me how everyone talks about how much they love me all the time.
2. The guy who helped me at the bank gave me his card after 10 minutes and wanted to "be my friend".
3. Two business guys on the subway struck up a conversation yesterday and proceeded to invite me to dinner, drinks, and to watch one of their son's archery competition.(i did not go)
4. The manager at my sandwich shop downstairs starts waving as soon as I get to the curb across the street.
5. Shana, Abby and I were invited to a family's home this weekend for a full dinner. I had met the man once. (i did go)(delicious)(and i crushed their ten-year-old at connect five).
6. The owner of our coffee shop has adopted us and has become a gracious guide to the city.
7. I get invited to go drinking much more often than I prefer to go drinking, which is the reverse from Minnesota.
8. My convenience store guy, my sandwich shop guy, my pet shop girl, and my coffee shop crew all call me by name already. Okay, maybe the pet shop girl knows MANGO's name, but close enough.
Before I go on, I need to clarify something. Some of you are now thinking, "Tony, Tony, Tony. When some guy at the bank asks you to be his friend, he's not asking you to be his ~friend~. *winkwink*"
Not so.
Through American eyes, ALL men here appear to be very metrosexual if you will. The social standards are vastly different. Beyond a manly hug, a handshake, or a shoulder grab, boys/men in the US rarely touch each other. That is not the case here. Friends will touch each other in non-sexual ways quite often, even holding hands sometimes. This appears VERY stange to us perhaps, but it's the way it is here. Men aren't scared of appearing homosexual, so if they think you're a cool guy, they'll ask you to grab a drink. It is weird to me, don't get me wrong. But I'm just a visitor here. I don't get to impose my beliefs on anyone. And if you see two WOMEN walking down the street and they're NOT holding hands it is odd.
Anyways,
I'm really not bragging. People are friendly. I am a rarity here. Some want to show off or practice their English. Some people just want to brag to their friends that they know the waygooks(foreigners). Or like the guys at the basketball court, brag that they BEAT the waygooks. Just because I am tall doesn't mean I can play.
It's just a funny feeling. I could probably get some girls' telephone numbers. I could probably hang out and drink Soju(don't ask) with the guys every weekend. If you knew me very well in my teens or twenties, you may know why I think this is funny.
So, I'm not wrapping this up with some "moral of the story" thing. If you want one, you can write you own. I'm off to bed!
~tony
Monday, October 27, 2008
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
It is what it is
I hate that phrase.
People say it with such conviction, as if it explains everything there is to know about the topic.
That's Korea though. The bad comes with the good, and there's no changing it. What is so bad you ask? Not bad per se, but uncomfortably different at times.
Korea, like China, is a Confucianist society. It has little to do with religion and a lot to do with everything else. Again, I am no expert, so feel free to poke holes in my attempts to explain things.
From what I understand, Confucianism is all about respect. That sounds great in a tiny little sentence like that. It's when you start applying it to every aspect of life that you run into trouble. You show respect to your elders and those who are "above" you, be it at work or in society in general. At the same time, you do what you can to earn respect from others; do well on a test, get into a good college, get a good job, marry a good mate, have a "perfect" family, and make a lot of money.
Again, it looks good on paper, doesn't it. (or cyberspace)
The problem is this: once you get the respect, you can't lose it. You have to "save face". I don't just mean that you want to save face, YOU HAVE TO. You cannot question those in authority, because they will lose face. You cannot correct someone in public for the same reason. You cannot make a suggestion because that implies that they do not know what they are doing. Think about the average workplace and what this means. Many times, you do your job as best you can on your own and you hope others will do the same. You don't question them and they don't question you...to your face at least. There is no constructive criticism. There is no honor in wanting to learn from mistakes. Communication will break down, whether you speak the same language or not. Frustrating anyone??? There is a story...most likely an urban myth...but it is accurate in idea at least. Supposedly there was some construction, a big building being raised. Before it was finished, engineers found an error in the calculations that made the building unsafe. They did not take this information to their superiors, because that would be questioning their abilities. The building later fell and many people died.
What about personal lives? It goes back to the kids (and the pushy parents) studying all day and night for tests...to gain respect for themselves and their families. Schools push you to not make mistakes. Your test scores and university acceptance letters are better than gold!!! And did you get married right after college and have 1 boy and 1 girl in the next few years? Then congratulations!! You've earned some more respect!! Do you love your spouse? Forget I asked. It doesn't matter. You've earned repect!!!! Are you a 26-year-old female?? Whoa, you'd better tie the knot with that guy your mom has been trying to set you up with. Are you a guy? You'd better head down the aisle with that one. She's pretty and she has two brothers, so maybe she's more likely to give you a son to pass along your family name and gain even more respect. (It's sad but true that even today, doctors are not allowed to tell parents the sex of their unborn child.)
So, did you somehow lose respect along the way? Forget it. You may as well not even think about higher education. Aim low.
I'm losing battery power, so I'll wrap up this cynicism.
There is a (slowly) growing resistance to these ideologies. The divorce rate is rising. That doesn't sound like a good thing, but it means that more and more women are getting out of the bad relationships that they were pushed in to. Creativity is a high priority among the youth as well. For every future doctor or lawyer I have in my class, I have a director and an animator. (I even have a chocolatier!!)
We had a pop song contest in school today. It was loads of fun to listen to Korean kids belt out Kelly Clarkson, but at the end, one girl read a speech she had written for an upcoming English speaking competition she was entering. Her English was almost perfect, better then any of the English teachers, and I might've been the only one in the room who really understood what she was talking about.
It was the most eloquent, heartfelt, and honest speech that I may have ever heard. She talked about the problems Korean teens have today, many of the same that I've outlined above. She asked for a change. To not be considered a "study machine". For her parents to spend time with her. To be heard and supported. To be allowed to laugh and play. To be creative. To be happy.
It is what it is for now at least.
~tony
People say it with such conviction, as if it explains everything there is to know about the topic.
That's Korea though. The bad comes with the good, and there's no changing it. What is so bad you ask? Not bad per se, but uncomfortably different at times.
Korea, like China, is a Confucianist society. It has little to do with religion and a lot to do with everything else. Again, I am no expert, so feel free to poke holes in my attempts to explain things.
From what I understand, Confucianism is all about respect. That sounds great in a tiny little sentence like that. It's when you start applying it to every aspect of life that you run into trouble. You show respect to your elders and those who are "above" you, be it at work or in society in general. At the same time, you do what you can to earn respect from others; do well on a test, get into a good college, get a good job, marry a good mate, have a "perfect" family, and make a lot of money.
Again, it looks good on paper, doesn't it. (or cyberspace)
The problem is this: once you get the respect, you can't lose it. You have to "save face". I don't just mean that you want to save face, YOU HAVE TO. You cannot question those in authority, because they will lose face. You cannot correct someone in public for the same reason. You cannot make a suggestion because that implies that they do not know what they are doing. Think about the average workplace and what this means. Many times, you do your job as best you can on your own and you hope others will do the same. You don't question them and they don't question you...to your face at least. There is no constructive criticism. There is no honor in wanting to learn from mistakes. Communication will break down, whether you speak the same language or not. Frustrating anyone??? There is a story...most likely an urban myth...but it is accurate in idea at least. Supposedly there was some construction, a big building being raised. Before it was finished, engineers found an error in the calculations that made the building unsafe. They did not take this information to their superiors, because that would be questioning their abilities. The building later fell and many people died.
What about personal lives? It goes back to the kids (and the pushy parents) studying all day and night for tests...to gain respect for themselves and their families. Schools push you to not make mistakes. Your test scores and university acceptance letters are better than gold!!! And did you get married right after college and have 1 boy and 1 girl in the next few years? Then congratulations!! You've earned some more respect!! Do you love your spouse? Forget I asked. It doesn't matter. You've earned repect!!!! Are you a 26-year-old female?? Whoa, you'd better tie the knot with that guy your mom has been trying to set you up with. Are you a guy? You'd better head down the aisle with that one. She's pretty and she has two brothers, so maybe she's more likely to give you a son to pass along your family name and gain even more respect. (It's sad but true that even today, doctors are not allowed to tell parents the sex of their unborn child.)
So, did you somehow lose respect along the way? Forget it. You may as well not even think about higher education. Aim low.
I'm losing battery power, so I'll wrap up this cynicism.
There is a (slowly) growing resistance to these ideologies. The divorce rate is rising. That doesn't sound like a good thing, but it means that more and more women are getting out of the bad relationships that they were pushed in to. Creativity is a high priority among the youth as well. For every future doctor or lawyer I have in my class, I have a director and an animator. (I even have a chocolatier!!)
We had a pop song contest in school today. It was loads of fun to listen to Korean kids belt out Kelly Clarkson, but at the end, one girl read a speech she had written for an upcoming English speaking competition she was entering. Her English was almost perfect, better then any of the English teachers, and I might've been the only one in the room who really understood what she was talking about.
It was the most eloquent, heartfelt, and honest speech that I may have ever heard. She talked about the problems Korean teens have today, many of the same that I've outlined above. She asked for a change. To not be considered a "study machine". For her parents to spend time with her. To be heard and supported. To be allowed to laugh and play. To be creative. To be happy.
It is what it is for now at least.
~tony
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)